先来算一笔账。

据说人的一生要洗7000多次澡，至少要消耗10万吨水、650块香皂和200瓶洗发液。平均每个男人一生需要在这上面花掉177日，而女人更慷慨些，她们在浴室玩乐的时间是3倍。

看似例行公事，但这一人生步骤的隐秘而伟大，只有身在其中才能体会。

你怎能猜到，一个平时张嘴就走音的络腮胡子大叔：

在浴室里简直就是帕瓦罗蒂的接班人？

伴着到头淋下的热水释放内心的高音小王子，那种酸爽就像突然被打通了任督二脉。

以这种方式荣登舞台你赢了。

当然，不是所有喜欢在洗澡时嚷上两句的人，都能遇上《爱在罗马》里这么奇怪的观众口味设定。

同样也不是所有人都喜欢吵吵闹闹地洗澡，有些人更偏爱静静地思考人生。

没有人知道为什么浴室那种湿滑，和蒸汽不断向上冒的那种蓬勃，会意外启动人类的睿智按钮。这个moment，你可能比共赴巫山之后的贤者时间更清醒动人。

一群Reddit的网友早就发现了这个真理，他们甚至为洗澡洗出来的智慧单独辟了个版面r/showerthoughts。

小到越来越难学的历史课，大到恐龙灭绝时空穿越和银河闪烁，有时是鼻屎味的异想天开，有时则是让你恍然大悟的那一下敲钟。

我挑了那么40条的样子让你感受感受，有的有趣，有的无聊，反正，记录的都是转瞬即逝的洗澡10分钟嘛：

 

【1】When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

喝酒就是在向明天预支幸福。

 

【2】If humans could fly, we'd consider it exercise and never do it.

如果人类会飞，我们会把它看做一项运动，然后打死都不会去做的。

 

【3】Clapping is just hitting yourself because you like something.

鼓掌就像是你因为喜欢上了什么而自残。

 

【4】If Hillary Clinton wins in 2016, it will be the first time that two presidents have had sex with each other.

如果2016年希拉里真的当上了总统，那美国将迎来第一次，史上有两位总统嘿咻过。

 

【5】History classes are only going to get longer and harder as time goes on.

随着日子一天天地过去，历史课只会越来越漫长，越来越难学。

 

【6】Saying "um" is the human equivalent to buffering.

“呃……”表示人类正在缓冲。

 

【7】I wonder how many times I've walked past or come into contact with a murderer.

我想知道我曾经多少次跟杀人狂魔擦肩而过。

 

【8】If the oldest person on earth is 116 years old, then 117 years ago, there was a completely different set of human beings on earth.

如果世界上最老的人是116岁，那117年之后，地球上就是完全不一样的一批人了。

 

【9】When you're a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you're an adult, they're considered immature.

当我还是个孩子的时候，黄段子是成人内容；但当长大成人，这玩意儿又特么成了不成熟的表现了。

 

【10】I have no idea what I've forgotten.

我真不知道我都忘了些什么了。

 

【11】Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.

被抓到又放掉的金鱼，应该最能跟那些说自己被外星人绑架过的人感同身受。

 

【12】Cars should have two horns: one is a "nice" one, the other is a "mean" one.

所有的车都应该有两个喇叭：一个写着“温柔友好”，而另一个写着“往死里按”。

 

【13】If I'm lucky, my internal organs will never see the light of day.

如果我足够幸运，我的全副内脏应该是一辈子都见不着太阳的。

 

【14】I will be the last person to die in my lifetime.

在我这一生，我会是最后死的那个人。

 

【15】Aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969.

1969年7月20日，有外星人入侵月球。

 

【16】In the last 20 years, I won over $7,300 by not buying a lottery ticket every day.

在过去的20年，因为没有每天买彩票，我已经赚了超过7300美元了。

 

【17】If people on a planet 65 million light years away look at earth, they see dinosaurs.

如果有人站在6500万光年以外看地球，他们会看到恐龙。

 

【18】April Fool's Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.

愚人节是全年的唯一一天，人们在看新闻之前会想想真假。

 

【19】Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.

昨晚朋友问我借个充电宝，要给电子烟充电；而那会我正在给我的电子书充电。未来真是傻不拉几。

 

【20】Websites should post their password requirements on their login pages so I can remember WTF I needed to do to my normal password to make it work on their site

网站最好都把密码要求写在登录页面，那样我才能记得，我他妈当时都对自己的万金油密码做过什么处理。

 

【21】In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found in snow mountains containing the last moments of peoples lives.

在未来，人们应该能从雪山里发现不少Go-Pro，里面拍的全是人们的最后一面。

 

【22】Of all the bodily functions that could be contagious, thank god it's the yawn.

还好，带有传染性的身体动作只有打哈欠（如果放屁也能传染，那就……）。

 

【23】Your dog doesn't know you can make mistakes. When you trip over him in the dark, he thinks you got up just to kick him in the head.

狗压根不知道你也会犯错。当你夜里不小心踩到它，它以为你就是故意要往它头上踢一脚的。

 

【24】If Leonardo Dicaprio ever wins an Oscar, he should pull out a dusty piece of paper and do an acceptance speech as if it's from 1993

如果小李子真的拿了奥斯卡，他可能会拿出一张满是灰尘的纸，念一段1993年就准备好了的获奖感言。

 

【25】Almost every hand I've ever shaken has had a dick in it.

我握过的每一双手基本都碰过至少一个鸡巴。

 

【26】Apple has "air." Amazon has "fire." Google has "earth." I think Microsoft should create something called "water."

苹果有Air，亚马逊有Fire，Google有Earth，我觉得微软是时候出一款名字带Water的产品了。

 

【27】There should by a gym where the membership fee is extremely high at the beginning of the month but you earn money back for every day you end up going and working out for at least an hour.

世界上应该有这么一家健身房，年卡超贵，但每天来锻炼至少一小时就给你蹭蹭蹭返现。

 

【30】"Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"

“睡一觉明天就会好起来的”，这句话就是“重启试试”的人类版。

 

【31】We should have a holiday called Space Day, where lights are to be shut off for at least an hour at night to reduce light pollution, so we can see the galaxy.

我们应该设一个叫“太空日”的节日，夜里所有的灯都关上至少一小时，然后我们就能看清银河系了。

 

【32】My debit card pays for things with past hours of my life, and my credit card pays with future hours of my life.

储蓄卡用我过去的时日埋单，而信用卡用我的未来付账。

 

【33】The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

对厨房里等着被宰的龙虾来说，泰坦尼克号的沉没一定是个奇迹。

 

【34】Dogs probably destroy shoes because they see humans put them on before they leave the house.

狗喜欢往你鞋里拉屎可能是因为它嫉妒，因为你每回出门都一定会带上鞋子。

 

【35】Vampires only suck your blood for Vitamin D because they can't go out in the sun themselves.

吸血鬼吸你的血可能只是为了补充维生素D，毕竟他们又没法自己跑出去晒太阳。

 

【36】A bed is a shelf for your body when you are not using it.

床就是一个，当身体闲置时你可以把它往上扔的架板。

 

【37】every cell in my body knows how to replicate DNA yet I'm not in on it so I have to spend hours studying it

我身上的每个细胞都知道怎么复制DNA，可我不知道，所以我还得学……

 

【38】Everyday, someone on Earth unknowingly does the biggest poo in the world for that day.

每一天，世界上都有人在拉当天最大的那泡屎。

 

【39】Thanks to the Internet, I have probably seen more naked ladies than all of my ancestors combined.

多亏了互联网，我见过的裸体女人可能比我所有祖先见过的加起来都要多。

 

【40】I should ask my barber where he gets his hair cut, then go there and slowly make my way up the chain until I find THE GREATEST BARBER IN THE WORLD...or perhaps just a bald dude.

我应该问问我的理发师在哪理发，然后一直问一直问，直到我找到世界上最牛逼的理发师……不过呃，他有可能是个光头。

 

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